0:05
Hey everyone, welcome to Kids Ministry Answers. My name is Linda
0:09
and my name is Jason and this is the podcast where you ask the questions and
0:14
we help you find the answers. If you’re tuning in for the first time,
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welcome, welcome, welcome. Jason and I are both pastors and also parents, which
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makes today’s question especially relatable. So before we jump into the
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question of the day, let’s start here. Hey Jason, what is a parenting I don’t
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like saying like win or fail. So like what is like a parenting moment you had
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this week? So I have one that’s actually like a
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little bit of both. I think it actually happened today. So I dropped
0:51
my boys off at school this morning. I have two boys, first grade and fifth
0:55
grade. And uh we usually like do our hugs goodbye and everything and they’re
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going to a new school so it’s been kind of stressful to acclimate and stuff and
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we usually do the hugs goodbye and today they just bolted on me and just ran
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right into the school building without hugs or goodbye which I think is a win
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because they obviously feel good about their school and they want to get in
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there. They want to get going. sad for me because I wanted the hug and I loved
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you. But yeah,
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it’s all good. I just kind of yelled after them for a second.
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Yeah. Cried in the car on the way home. But uh yeah, so kind of a win and a
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fail, I guess, in a way. Oh, I know. Those moments seem so small,
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but you know, it like sets the tone for the day and you know, you don’t have
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like so many of those moments left. Yeah. When I do my drop off, I’m always
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like yelling at the kids. I’m like, “I love you. Say it back.”
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That’s what I did. That’s what I did. I love you.
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They’re like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
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yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get in there.”
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That’s so funny. Uh, my interesting parenting moment was
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recently we were at Disneyland and we got in line for one of the rides and it
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turned out to be a lot longer than we had anticipated. So, we’re like, “Oh,
2:15
let’s just go do something else.” So, we walked backwards out of the line and
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then my husband found like an exit gate that would just lead us back out. Um,
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but it said emergency exit on it. And so, while we’re like, “Oh, let’s just go
2:29
out this way.” My older son, he was like, “No, that’s for emergency exits.
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This is not an emergency. We’re not allowed to go out that way.” And I was
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like, “Just go. Just go through the gate. It’s fine.”
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And it was so funny cuz like my urgency to get out of this line superseded the
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fact that my son was actually kind of doing a good thing.
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I was just like it’s okay. It’s all right. Let’s just go.
2:58
Yeah. It was kind of like a win/fail moment for me too.
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Both of ours were wins fails. Maybe that’s how parenting goes, you know.
3:07
Yeah. You know what? You’re right. I think there’s a lot more of those than
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we think about. Right. So,
3:12
Right. Right. Right. for sure. Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing that with
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me. Today’s listener question has to do with connecting with funny parents like
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us. So, let’s hear it. Hi, I’m An Velasquez and I’m one of the
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kids elementary leads. I’m from Los Angeles and I want to know how do I get
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parents more involved in our ministry? Hey from California, fellow Californian
3:37
over here. Thank you so much for asking the question. Um, this one hits home
3:43
kind of literally because parents, as you are well aware, can be the hardest
3:48
group to engage sometimes, right? And I think a lot of times um it’s
3:53
really hard to think about what involved actually looks like for each of our
3:57
different contexts. Like how involved do we want them to be? Sometimes we’re
4:01
like, you’re doing too much and sometimes it’s like, you’re not doing
4:04
enough. And we know that empirically our kids
4:07
ministries can’t function without families. But then in kind of like the
4:11
hustle and bustle of ministry, we often forget that parents exist and we kind of
4:16
just overlook that kid’s entire ecosystem
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or we just kind of get frustrated by parents. We’re like, why are you not
4:22
involved? Why are you not doing the thing? So I think to answer this
4:27
question, I think maybe we need to like flip the script, right? Instead of
4:31
thinking like parents need to follow our lead and just like get it right, instead
4:36
of just expecting them to do all of that,
4:39
what if we work on like earning their trust and building a relationship with
4:43
them first? Exactly. Yeah, I think you’re exactly
4:47
right. um that trust and that relationship is the a great way to go
4:52
about it because once you’ve established that trust and built that relationship
4:56
then the asks right the inviting them to things inviting them to be a bigger part
5:01
of the ministry that feels a whole lot easier and more natural when you’ve
5:05
already got the trust and the relationship built
5:08
right but that doesn’t happen on accident it
5:12
doesn’t just happen it doesn’t happen overnight you really have to have
5:16
a strategy to go about this. So, that’s what we’re
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going to talk about. We’re going to talk about four ways that we can better
5:24
engage with the parents in our ministry. Yeah, I’m excited to dive into that.
5:30
Okay, so Jason, where would you say is the best place to start for ministry
5:35
leaders wanting to get more parent involvement?
5:38
Okay, so here’s where we’d start. Number one for me is that we make events that
5:43
are specifically for parents. So these are like events that have an environment
5:48
that gets parents connected with your ministry but also with their kids or
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even better if it can connect both things at the same time. So with their
5:57
kids and with what’s going on in your ministry at the same time. So some
6:01
examples of these events might be like uh open houses, um parent and small
6:07
group leader breakfasts to connect your parents to the leaders in your ministry
6:13
who are going to be talking to their kids and also parent workshops to
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provide them all the information that they need about what’s going on. give
6:21
them practical training and some disciplehip ideas. And some ways that
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you can kind of work this into your calendar if you’re thinking about doing
6:29
it that way is like in August you can do an open house which is great because
6:33
then new families are coming in and you can invite them in that way. In October
6:38
you could do a parent and small group breakfast to kind of introduce them to
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the volunteers that are in your ministry, the leaders that your kids
6:45
will be interacting with. And maybe in January you start doing those parent
6:50
workshops because at that point you’ve built some trust, you’ve gained some
6:54
relationship, you can really start doing some practical training, giving them
6:59
some ideas for disciplehip with their kids.
7:03
So I I would add this though. Um these are ideas specifically for
7:08
parents. Excuse me. So these are ideas specifically for parents, but all our
7:14
events should include parents, right? Like that is the idea behind this. So
7:18
these parent specific events will hopefully inspire the parents
7:23
to get more involved in all of the events that you’re doing throughout the
7:27
whole year. Yeah, I like that you added that because
7:32
most of the events that we do for kids, it’s not in isolation from their
7:37
families and parents. You know, they need to bring them to the event, right?
7:41
They need to probably hopefully not. They need to volunteer probably at some
7:46
of the stations or help out with food and whatnot. But yeah, setting up these
7:50
other parent specific events like really gives them that buy in for oh, how else
7:56
can I get involved? One time I had a parent workshop at our church and I
8:01
didn’t really think that a lot of people would come because it was on the weekend
8:05
and it feels like a lecture, but we had a surprisingly good turnout. even people
8:10
bringing like friends who didn’t go to our church at the time. And I thought
8:15
that was really interesting because I mean right now more than ever there are
8:20
so many resources out there like so many YouTube videos and reals and whatnot,
8:25
but I think that at some point all of us kind of crave that like human connection
8:30
and interaction and they really want to hear some helpful things from someone
8:35
who knows them, who knows their kid and someone that they already trust. So
8:39
these events can really be a good stepping stone into building that trust.
8:44
Yeah. Yeah. Similarly, uh we recently did baptisms at our church. Um and
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obviously we provided resources and stuff for parents to look at and
8:55
familiarize themselves with leading up to that event. But we also did these
9:00
parent specific meetings to provide them with some context about baptism. Uh make
9:05
them feel comfortable with what was going to go down. And so those were very
9:09
well attended. I think for the same reason because they wanted to hear from
9:13
us personally and that was a great opportunity
9:16
to build some trust and gain relationship with them,
9:19
right? And you don’t assume that they already know everything about baptism
9:24
and everything there is to know to prepare their kid for this step. So
9:28
yeah, that’s amazing. So yeah, events are a great way to create those touch
9:32
points, but we all know that a few events throughout the year just aren’t
9:37
enough to maintain that connection with our parents and families. So how can we
9:42
keep parents in the loop when they’re not asked to be at an event?
9:47
Exactly. So number two is communicating with parents. And obviously the idea
9:54
here is that you don’t want the only time you communicate with parents to be
9:58
like those two or three three parent events that you have or really any
10:02
event. You want to keep a constant and consistent communication line open
10:07
with your with your parents. And so that means you have to have these consistent
10:11
touch points of communication. So again, here are some ideas for that. Uh the one
10:17
that I think is very important but we don’t often do is an annual survey. And
10:22
this is just a survey you give to parents to kind of learn their
10:25
preferences. Like don’t guess at how they like to be communicated with. And
10:29
you can just ask them like, “Do you want text? Do you want emails? Do you want a
10:34
Facebook group?” You get this information and then you can communicate
10:38
in the best possible way to actually get their attention and get their
10:41
engagement. Um, but regardless of how that survey comes out, we definitely
10:46
recommend that you do monthly emails. So, this is just a great thing to like
10:51
centralize all that’s going on in a month and put it all in one place. You
10:56
can point parents to it um with the other places you’re communicating them
11:00
with and and basically just say, “Hey, check out the monthly email. If you’re
11:04
not getting them, let me know.” And that’s an awesome place to have a
11:08
centralized communication kind of hub. And also, it’s good to repurpose your
11:14
content weekly. So, what you can do is you can take snippets from your monthly
11:18
email and put it in those other forms of communication and it just kind of gives
11:23
you that more consistent uh communication with them throughout the
11:27
month. Not just that one monthly email, but all those little things that are
11:30
going into texts and and Facebook groups and such. And there are other tools like
11:36
handbooks and tip videos, which I know tip videos seem very very complicated to
11:42
make, but you can be really simple. just don’t go overboard with production. And
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once you make those, you can repurpose repurpose them over and over again, too.
11:50
So, those are also really cool. Um, these are just some ideas. Um, the
11:56
thing is you want to keep those lines of of
11:58
communication open between you and parents. You just don’t ever want
12:02
parents thinking like, man, I haven’t heard from Pastor Jason in a while.
12:06
Like, what is going on over there? Uh so these constant touch points they just
12:11
help to deal with that but they also can be tools to keep your parents engaged
12:16
throughout the year. Yeah, I know. I personally
12:20
shy away from communicating because being a parent and being on the
12:26
receiving ends of a lot of like the school communicates, it’s really
12:30
overwhelming sometimes and I come I come with this like in like inherent fear of
12:37
oh my goodness, what if I’m like inundating them with too much
12:39
information? But honestly, like overcommunication is better than no
12:44
communication. So, like these tools are super helpful. Do you have a favorite
12:48
one? I do. I think my favorite one is the
12:53
Facebook groups. Um, I just think it’s great because
12:57
it doesn’t only provide a place where you can put the information that you
13:01
want to share, but it also gives them kind of a forum to share with each
13:04
other. And so, it’s a great way to kind of do
13:08
two things at once. It’s like you’re sharing information, but you’re also
13:11
building some camaraderie between the parents themselves cuz they can share
13:15
with each other and give ideas and we can share a ride and stuff like that.
13:19
So, I think Facebook groups are a great place to kind of communicate with your
13:23
parents. Yeah, it’s funny cuz like nobody really
13:26
uses Facebook anymore, but there’s no other tool that does what Facebook
13:30
groups does or maybe not as easy to use as Facebook groups.
13:35
Yeah. And those of you guys who use Grow, we do have something called Grow
13:39
Hubs, which does have a similar function, so you can also check that
13:43
out. But we’ll talk about that a little more later.
13:45
Yep. Got to do it.
13:49
Um, these are super helpful ideas. So, we’re making events for parents and just
13:54
having them as easy onramps for them to get involved. uh we communicate with
13:59
parents at kind of like a rhythm and a pace that works for us so they can stay
14:03
in the know and we stay connected to them. What would be the next level up
14:08
from that you think? Okay, so number three is spending time
14:13
with parents. So little warning sign here. I think this might be the one that
14:19
seems like the least fun to do for some of us.
14:22
The introvert in me is like ah no. Exactly. Exactly. And also we have to
14:28
know this might not be the best for parents either but doing this right can
14:34
really be effective in our ministries. So here are some suggestions for doing
14:39
this. The first one is parent meetings. And I know when you say parent meets
14:44
like dun like yeah we have to do them. And I think the problem with parent
14:49
meetings is that we often fill them with information that we just could have put
14:54
in an email or we could have put somewhere else. So we don’t want to do
14:58
that. Like instead we want to save our parent meetings for big moments like
15:03
orientations, big events that are coming up, times of
15:07
crisis. And that way you make sure this information is included and it’s
15:13
expected from parents, but you also can hear from them about all the feelings
15:18
they’re having, the things that they’re they’re dealing with around these big
15:21
events that are coming up. So it doesn’t feel like something that could just been
15:24
done over email cuz it’s centered around these big
15:28
events. So I think that’s a big one. And doing them right, they can really be
15:32
effective. I know they can seem scary, but if you do them right and don’t do
15:36
them all the time, then they can be really good. Uh, another one that I I
15:41
don’t feel like people do a lot of is parent discussion groups. I think this
15:45
is really a cool one that uh yeah, people don’t practice it cuz basically
15:50
the idea is just like small gatherings with parents. So, uh, coffees or
15:55
desserts or like chicken wings or whatever you want to do where like
16:00
parents just interact with each other. They just get to know each other. They
16:04
can talk about uh they can share experiences. They can share wisdom. And
16:09
if you spread like two or three of these throughout the year, it’s a great way to
16:13
like help your parents know each other. And if they know each other, then
16:16
they’ll be more likely to be involved in your ministry together.
16:21
Um and then this last one is probably the biggest one that is
16:26
scary, and that is parent conversations. Like the one- on-one. Yes, introverts
16:32
aren’t going to love this one. Um, but again, it’s something we have to do. Um,
16:38
especially moments of crisis, if you’re having behavior issues, concerns that
16:43
you have, uh, recruitment for big things that are coming up. And in these combos,
16:49
we just have to be ready to be open, honest, and direct. And we need to ask
16:54
those questions that will allow us to give them feedback, but also we can get
17:01
like we can get feedback like receive feedback from them.
17:05
And uh another shameless plug here is that and I think this is great
17:10
especially for our introverted folks, but at Grow we have the parent
17:13
conversation guides who give you like they give you like an idea for the
17:18
conversations you might have and things that you might say. Uh, I think that’s
17:22
so important. I know if I go into a conversation, I at least want to have an
17:25
idea for what I might say if certain questions come up. So, I think that’s a
17:30
great way to do it. Yeah, having a guide is such a game
17:33
changer. And I love that how it is. It is scary. It is intimidating, but like
17:41
we’ve been saying so far is if we have been really working hard to earn the
17:45
trust of the parents and their caregivers. Like it’s it’s going to be a
17:50
lot more natural. It’s going to it’s not going to feel like this dreaded
17:54
one-on-one I got called to the principal’s office kind of moment, but
17:57
more like, hey, we’re just chatting with a friend. Talk to me about your kid. I
18:00
love your kid. You love your kid. Let’s talk about them. And it’s going to be a
18:05
really great way to connect. So I I really like how especially the part
18:10
where you talked about discussion groups and how we can create spaces where like
18:14
families can connect with each other because well one they do have a lot of
18:19
like shared wisdom and experiences that they can impart like even more than what
18:23
we can provide but also like when they kind of get to know each other like that
18:27
then they’re more likely to get involved because like now I have a friend who’s
18:30
going to be at this event too so they can like volunteer together they can
18:34
carpull to events and I think It’s a really great way to foster like genuine
18:39
connection. Exactly. Yeah. I I think that’s
18:43
underutilized. People don’t do this a lot, but those discussion groups cuz we
18:48
know being pastors and parents that parenting can be lonely. It can be a
18:52
very lonely thing to do. And so you can kind of combat that with these
18:57
discussion groups. And it’s a great way, like you said, to have them come
19:00
volunteer because they got to know that parent and now they’re friends. And so
19:04
they’re creating relationship and they’re creating trust with each other
19:08
and that will help your ministry overall. So
19:11
yeah, for sure. I remember uh a while back I was really struggling with trying
19:16
to get learning accommodations for one of my kids and I really didn’t know how
19:20
to go about it. Like the resources on them were so hard to find. But then like
19:24
I connected with a few parents and they’re like, “Oh yeah, yeah. I went
19:27
through this with my two older kids. Let me tell you how.” And it was like
19:30
amazing. like, “Oh, I could just ask people for help. This is really cool.”
19:37
Yeah. Yeah. It seems so obvious, but if you can set up set that up for parents,
19:42
then it helps make some big problems not seem as big when they can tackle them
19:47
together. Yeah, I would even add like setting up
19:50
like a WhatsApp or a group chat, too, so those kinds of discussions can continue
19:55
outside of your designated meeting times. So, that would be really fun.
20:00
Um, for sure. Okay, these are all so good. Is there anything else we can do
20:05
to let parents know how much we value them and really need them in our
20:09
ministry? Yes. Yes. Number four is celebrate
20:14
parents. I think this is such an awesome way
20:18
to let parents know that you’re thinking about them and that you are on their
20:22
side. So, some very kind of simple ideas for that is birthdays. And
20:28
it’s one thing to just say like, “Happy birthday, Bob. Hope you’re doing great.”
20:32
But you can also take the opportunity to affirm parents through these these
20:38
birthdays, like send a personal note to them to let them know you saw something
20:42
they did. And so hopefully this birthday is great and I want to affirm you real
20:47
quick. Another cool way to do this is holidays, which obviously you have like
20:51
Christmas and Easter. So, you want to sure you want to be sure to reach out.
20:55
But also like those silly quirky ones like unicorn day or paper airplane day.
21:02
I love those. Yeah. Yeah. They’re really super fun. And when
21:06
you reach out um and and like let them know, hey, it’s this crazy wacky
21:11
holiday, but you can also encourage them to do something fun with their kiddos on
21:16
that day. So, you’re kind of again two things at the same time. you’re
21:21
celebrating a parent, letting them know that you know what they mean to you, but
21:26
also giving them an idea, encouraging them to interact with their kiddos. And
21:31
so that’s a great thing, too. Um, some things that you definitely want to
21:35
incorporate in these celebrations, food, because we all know
21:39
absolutely food is a love language.
21:42
It’s never a bad thing to have food. uh fun because when you it might seem like
21:48
obviously you want things to be fun, but helping parents to have fun with their
21:53
kiddos each day is a real easy way to get in good with parents and let them
21:58
like honor them. Let them know that you’re on their side.
22:02
And then like I said before, just encouragement. Man, parenting is hard.
22:06
Parenting is difficult. And so anything you can do to just let them know that
22:10
you’re seeing their hard work, that you appreciate them, that you support what
22:14
they’re doing, uh is just great, a great way to celebrate parents and let them
22:19
know that, hey, you’re you’re noticing how great of a job they’re doing and how
22:23
much you appreciate them parenting those great kiddos that you have.
22:29
Yeah, I love what you said about how these things can help them like just
22:34
affirm the fact that you are on their side because that is so helpful because
22:40
a lot of times that gets missed in translation and sometimes like parents
22:45
and ministry leaders are at odds with each other. It’s like, oh, that’s your
22:48
job. No, that’s your job. Um, I remember one time my my son’s like fifth grade
22:53
teacher uh told me, tell me what kind of language you use at home. So like we can
22:58
replicate that in the learning environment for him at school so that
23:02
he’s kind of getting the same messaging. And I thought that was so powerful to
23:05
hear to be like, “Oh, okay. This teacher really wants to partner with me to help
23:11
my child.” And I think that’s really what we’re doing here is creating these
23:16
opportunities for engagement and having parents get involved is really just to
23:20
show them that yeah, we are on the same team and we are here to love your child
23:25
and to help them grow. And this is such a great way to do that. I love I love
23:31
the weird holidays. Like I think that’s so unique and I think that you know just
23:36
to be like, “Hey, it’s National Doughnut Day here. Have a donut.” It’s just so
23:40
interesting and it just really gets people engaged. I think that’s really
23:44
fun. Yeah. I mean, the the paper airplane one
23:48
must like seem a little wacky, but it’s such a cool idea to like send a text and
23:54
be like, “Hey, probably didn’t know it, but it’s paper airplane day. Take a
23:58
second today and like make a paper airplane with your kiddo.” And as you’re
24:02
doing that, I just want you to know that that time you take is so important to
24:06
them. So, you’re encouraging them, you’re getting them to hang out with
24:09
your kids, and yeah, like you said, kind of blurring the lines
24:13
between the everyday life they have with their kiddos and the ministry that
24:17
they’re a part of at church. And that’s really the idea behind this is you want
24:21
those things to feel interconnected. Yes, absolutely. And don’t know how to
24:26
fold a paper airplane? Here’s a template. Here’s a video.
24:28
Exactly. Exactly. Scaffold it as much as you can.
24:34
Amazing. So, we’ve walked through four practices today to help uh parents get
24:39
more involved in ministry. We said we’re going to make events for parents. We’re
24:44
going to communicate with parents. We’re going to spend time with parents and
24:48
love it and celebrate parents. And I love how powerful this becomes when we
24:55
like put it on the calendar and turn it into strategy and we’re not just trying
24:58
to do it on a whim cuz that way instead of like just hoping please parents show
25:04
up, we can like earn and keep their trust and have this relationship with
25:08
them year after year. Yeah. Yeah. And for me, like putting
25:13
these things on the calendar releases me from the guilt that I’m not doing enough
25:18
to engage parents in my ministry. It just lets me know.
25:22
It is very real. It is very real. And if you’re not like active, you know, then
25:28
you can feel like, hey, I’m not doing enough. But if you put it on the
25:31
calendar, it also lets you know that the work you’re going to put into that is
25:34
going to get you the biggest impact possible. Um, so yeah.
25:39
All right, Jason. Thank you so much for this helpful and awesome conversation.
25:44
Before we wrap up today’s episode, I got to ask you, what are you into right now?
25:50
Okay, so it’s probably not going to be the most popular thing for like half of
25:54
our listeners, but sports, sports, sports, man. Football’s starting,
26:00
baseball’s going on, even the US Open and tennis is going on. It is so much
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fun to be watching sports these days. So, that is really what I’m into. I know
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it’s kind of a bummer, but what about you, Linda? What are you into?
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All the sports fanatics are like, “Yes, Jason’s our guy.”
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Yes, exactly. I’m with you guys. I love pretending to know about sports.
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I don’t know enough to actually engage in conversation. However,
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Linda wants to trick you. Linda won our company competition last night last year
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picking football team winners beat me at the very end. So she knows more than she
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lets on for sure. Yes. Yes. I um come to me with all your
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picks. Actually, don’t do that. The secret is I asked my husband for help.
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Okay. Uh what am I into? I am into of course these little Loo Boos. For those
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of you guys who are just listening on audio, I’m holding up my Lab Boooo dolls
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and I resisted getting the Loo Boos for so long because I thought
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they just kind of look like the Where the Wild Things Are Creatures and I was
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like, they’re not that cute. But then like with a possibility of
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dressing them up and making a bag accessory, I was like, let’s do this.
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I’m full sense. So, I have been really into my laboos.
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Okay. Yeah, that’s great. I feel like we balanced it out. Like people that don’t
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like the part, don’t like the VOU dolls, we we we got everyone. Yeah, that’s
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great. Yeah. Tell us tell us what you like
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better. Anyway, that’s all. Thank you all so
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much for listening. Thank you, Anen, for your question today. If you have a
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ministry question that you want us to talk about next, make sure to send us a
27:51
voicemail. You can find that link in our show notes as well. All right, till next
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time, everyone. Bye bye.